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thoughts, feelings, emotions

milk and honey- break each other, hold on, and call it love

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Rupi Kapur once said, “neither of us is happy but neither of us wants to leave so we keep breaking one another and calling it love.”

Have you ever been with someone, but it hasn’t always been easy? Have you ever been with someone and gotten in little fights, and one of you said you’re done, even when you know you’re not done? You can’t live without the person because you’ve become so used to them being there all the time. You know every little thing about them, and they know every single thing about you. You don’t want to have to pretend like you don’t know each other, so you stay. You don’t want to let go of the company and the memories, but you’re not as happy as you used to be anymore. You hold on, but why? You are scared to let go and have to start all over, having to learn to love someone new. So what you do is, you call it love and stay with the one you are used to, because at least you know that at some point they did and might still love you, since they chose to stay and deal with everything together, instead of leaving you to be unhappy alone.

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Don’t worry, one day…

Don’t you worry. One day someone will look at you like you put all of the stars in the sky.

Don’t you worry. One day someone will love you and not leave you gasping for air, not leave you wondering why, why, why it didn’t work out… not leave you wondering why they didn’t love you anymore.

Don’t you worry. One day someone will grab your hand, hold it tight, and never let it go.

Don’t you worry. One day someone will be laying by your side holding you tight and whisper three special words, eight letters, into your ear, “I love you.”

Don’t you worry. One day someone will promise to love you forever and always and mean it.

Don’t you worry. One day someone will make you the happiest you’ve ever felt, which will make you feel great, but also nervous and maybe even scared but…

Don’t you worry. One day someone will promise to never hurt you like you have been in the past. They will promise to give you love and affection, and you’ll believe them because of their actions that back up their promises.

Don’t you worry. One day someone will text you good morning and good night every day, and tell you all of the reasons why you make them feel the happiest they’ve ever felt, why you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to them.

Don’t you worry. One day someone will come into your life and make everything fall into place.

It won’t all happen all at once, and things may take time, but one day someone real will walk into your life and change it completely.

Don’t worry, one day.

falling for you

I think I’m falling for you. I’m falling for you even when I know you’re so deeply in love with someone else. I need to make these feelings go away before they destroy my heart. When I see you, I tend to look away because if I look into your eyes, I know my heart will start to race faster and faster and faster. I feel like if I look at you, you’ll see everything and know everything about me. It scares me, it makes me nervous. You make me nervous, a good kind that gives me a rush throughout my body. You make me laugh. A simple joke or a simple smile from you makes my whole day better. I can’t fully explain how I’m feeling, but all of the sudden I can’t take my mind off of you. I want to make sure you’re happy and make sure you’re always okay. This feeling is driving me crazy. It’s been a while since I’ve felt this way, and I’ve waited so long to feel like this again. I never thought I would even feel this happy again. I feel like we have a connection. I know what you want and I want to be the one to listen to you and give you all I have and give you everything you deserve. But the thing is… I can’t do this with you. I can’t feel this way with you because you’re into someone else. I could tell you so many times how I feel and I could ask you if you’d feel anything at all, but your feelings would still be for her, they wouldn’t change. So, I guess I’m stuck once again, on the outside all alone, keeping my feelings inside. I just hope whoever you end up with, treats you with respect, cares and loves you endlessly.

dear </3

Dear Broken Heart,

I know how it feels to be hurt… I’ve been hurt before too. I’ve been broken into tiny little pieces. But, I won’t let that happen to you anymore. I won’t hurt you. I want to help you. I want to heal you. I want to show you what it means to be loved. And I know that it’s hard for you to trust those words, because people have betrayed them before but, just remember I was once in your place too… afraid of letting people in. I don’t want to get hurt, so I wouldn’t want anyone to get hurt either. I want you to let me in all the way. And I know it may take some time and that’s alright with me because I just want you happy. I want you to have everything that you want in life because you deserve it. You deserve someone being there for you at all times, and caring about you so much. You deserve someone that will go out of their way for you because they love you that much. You deserve someone who will put you back together and keep you in one piece. You deserve someone who will still be there after every little fight and not give up on you. You deserve the world. I am what you need, and I will be patient until you’re ready to let me in. I won’t hurt you. I won’t let you go, because you’re worth everything to me.

Sincerely,

A Heart that was once Broken…

her feelings 

The minute she leaves her, she misses her. She likes her so much that it hurts to be away even for a minute. She feels like the world is a little brighter when she’s with her. The way she lays her head against her chest melts her heart. She’s so happy, the happiest she’s been in a while, but she’s also scared. She’s scared she’ll get hurt like she has in the past. But she can’t be scared, and can’t let the past experiences, effect the way she acts in relationships she’s building now. She doesn’t want to move too fast or say the wrong things and mess anything up. She knows she might not be ready and doesn’t want to scare her away, so she is patient and willing to wait because she thinks she’s worth it. She’s nervous when she’s alone with her, so her heart beats really fast. She thinks her smile is beautiful. She thinks she’s simply perfect with every little thing she does. Thing is, she thinks everything she feels and says about her is stupid and cheesy… but it’s not. It’s real, true, and something very special. And if you feel that way, then you’re lucky. It’s a feeling you want to feel that makes you feel on top of the world. You don’t ever want to stop feeling that, which is why it’s understandable to be a little scared letting someone in after being hurt too many times. But trust and patience is key. You have to trust and feel it in your heart that she is the one and that she won’t hurt you like they did. You can’t hide what you feel. You have to let yourself be happy and feel happy. 

too much time has passed by

th-4.jpgI was in denial at the time. I wasn’t sure of what I really wanted or what I had gotten myself into. I knew I liked being around you, but I didn’t know what that meant, I didn’t know what we were, and if we were anything at all. We’d always be together, talk on the phone late at night, and just go for drives or lay in bed when we had nothing better to do. I didn’t care what we did or where we were, as long as I was by your side. Things got hard at times, we argued, didn’t talk for a couple days, but then we went right back to each other because we didn’t know what else to do. We had gotten so used to being around each other, that we felt lost if we weren’t together. I always thought everything would be fine and that we would always work things out, but I guess I took you for granted. I took for granted thinking we both cared enough to keep trying after each little fight. It became too much for you. So we distanced ourselves. The hardest thing I ever had to do was give you space, because I knew that if I did, you’d go find better people to surround yourself with and then forget me. And sadly, you did.

You were the best thing that happened to me. And you’ll probably always be. But you were also the worst thing that happened to me, because I lost you. I knew that what I felt was something so strong, something I had never felt before. It was all so unexpected. I tried to hide my feelings, afraid of getting hurt, but I couldn’t hide how happy I was with you. And that’s how I lost you. I was so happy, so “in love”, but I didn’t really realize it all until you left, until you stopped trying. I should’ve said something at the time, but I always held back because I knew there was always someone else you had feelings for. But couldn’t you feel what we had? There was something there… something so different, yet so special. I knew you better than you knew yourself, better than I knew my own self. It’s crazy how much I cared about you. I would’ve done anything for you… I would do anything for you. And that’s the problem. I’m still here saying I would do anything for you even after you treated me like I didn’t ever mean anything to you, when you know that I did. That’s how much I loved you, no matter what happened between us I was always there.

Now, I think about who holds your hand, who is there for you when you’re sick or sad, who is making you happy, who is kissing you… and it hurts. It hurts because I never thought anything could tear us apart. We tore each other apart. I tell myself maybe it was for the best because we were so toxic. How could we be so toxic when we cared about each other? I get that we were overprotective and at times jealous, but I didn’t think it’d get to this point. We couldn’t even trust each other. I said I’d never replace you, and I’m still here keeping that promise. But why should I when you’re off with someone else? I guess I’m still waiting, hoping you’d change your mind and realize how much we meant to each other.

I miss you… a lot. I miss the feeling I had when I was with you. But time passed and we just weren’t who we used to be. We weren’t happy anymore. And I’ve always told you, I just want you to be happy, and now you are. I lost my chance, I could’ve tried harder, but too much had happened for us to ever go back to being “us.” I still love you. And you know what they say, “If you love someone, let them go.” I need to let go and move on because if I don’t, I’ll just keep hurting thinking about the past. Just because I’m letting go doesn’t mean I want to, but I have to. I’m slowly moving on, it isn’t easy even after three years. And that’s how I know it was real. What I felt was real. But someone once told me that in order to move on, I have to focus on living in the moment, and the little things that make me happy. You’re in my past, you made me happy, and yes sometimes I wonder if you could still make me happy, but you’re not here anymore. I can’t keep going back to you every time you pop right back into my life and need something. I said I’d always be there for you, but it hurts to be there for you, knowing you don’t really care. And as much as I’d want to be there and be with you, there’s been too much time apart to ever be able to go back to the way we used to be. We’ve changed. Too much time has passed by. But no time will ever be able to change the way I’ll always feel about you even if I can’t be with you.

irreplaceable 

i promised i’d never replace you…

it’s been three years and i’m still here 

keeping my promise, waiting

waiting, because i don’t want anyone else

you’re irreplaceable to me
no one else can make me feel the way you did

and i don’t want anyone else to ever make me feel that way

it’s been three years

and i still don’t want anyone else, i never will

it’ll always be you that i’ll need

it’ll always be you that i’ll wait for

you’re irreplaceable to me

i’ll always just want you. 

always

it doesn’t matter if it’s one day, two weeks, three months, or four years from now because in the end

you’ll still matter to me.

you’ll always matter…

only you

i miss you

i need you

i want you

i love you

you and only you

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