You told me it was over between you two. You couldn’t stop crying. In that moment I didn’t know what to do. I want to be there for you like I promised i always would, but the only times we talk are when you need me for something. I don’t know if I should be happy that you still think of me as someone you can go to, or feel like I’m being used because you know I won’t say no to you and push you away. I still care. I still worry about you, when I know you don’t care about me. But I fall for it and you every time because I just want to talk to you and sometimes hope we might be like we used to.
I need someone to understand me. I feel so alone sometimes, no one gets me. I feel so much, yet have no one to tell. So it all builds up inside of me, confusing my head because it feels like no one else understands how I think and what and how I tend to feel. There are very few people like me; I am very emotional, get in my feelings, feel like crying about the past when I should let things go, and always try so hard and put effort into people who don’t even care. Not many people understand how much things hurt me and how the pain takes forever to go away. It’s okay if you don’t understand, everyone thinks differently. But, I wish someone could understand, so I know that they won’t hurt me because they have been through something or been with someone that has hurt them too.
The minute she leaves her, she misses her. She likes her so much that it hurts to be away even for a minute. She feels like the world is a little brighter when she’s with her. The way she lays her head against her chest melts her heart. She’s so happy, the happiest she’s been in a while, but she’s also scared. She’s scared she’ll get hurt like she has in the past. But she can’t be scared, and can’t let the past experiences, effect the way she acts in relationships she’s building now. She doesn’t want to move too fast or say the wrong things and mess anything up. She knows she might not be ready and doesn’t want to scare her away, so she is patient and willing to wait because she thinks she’s worth it. She’s nervous when she’s alone with her, so her heart beats really fast. She thinks her smile is beautiful. She thinks she’s simply perfect with every little thing she does. Thing is, she thinks everything she feels and says about her is stupid and cheesy… but it’s not. It’s real, true, and something very special. And if you feel that way, then you’re lucky. It’s a feeling you want to feel that makes you feel on top of the world. You don’t ever want to stop feeling that, which is why it’s understandable to be a little scared letting someone in after being hurt too many times. But trust and patience is key. You have to trust and feel it in your heart that she is the one and that she won’t hurt you like they did. You can’t hide what you feel. You have to let yourself be happy and feel happy.
it doesn’t matter if it’s one day, two weeks, three months, or four years from now because in the end
you’ll still matter to me.
you’ll always matter…
i love you.
i will always love you.