It hurt to see you crying. It hurt because I didn’t know what was going on. I hate that I had no idea how you had been feeling lately. I didn’t know what to say… so I just listened and I tried to understand what even you didn’t really understand. Tears rolling down your face, I wanted to make you feel better. I wish I could do something to help, but I know all I can really do is say I’m here for you and that I care and that you’re not alone. I saw you all the time. I should’ve known something was wrong… I don’t want you feeling alone or depressed. And I know it’s not something you can just turn off and be okay again. I know it’s going to take time and that it may be hard to get those words through to you, that people care and want you to be okay.
I’m not expecting much this time around.
I know things aren’t going to be how they used to.
But at least we’re talking again…
It feels good, but I know not to get my hopes up anymore.
A small part of me wishes we could jump right back to how we were.
But in a way I’m happy seeing each other once in a while.
I don’t want us to get tired of each other.
I don’t want us to fight.
I don’t want you to get tired of me again and push me away.
I’m keeping my space this time, and not trying too hard.
I’m going to let you come to me first, instead of me come to you.
I’m going to go with the flow and be happy when I see you.
I know it’s different this time. But that’s okay with me.
As long as I get to talk to you again.
That’s all I care about.
That’s enough for me.
I miss your face.
I miss your lips.
I miss your voice.
I miss your eyes.
I miss your laugh.
I miss your hands.
I miss you close to me.
I miss you holding me.
I miss you calling me.
I miss you being there.
I miss days with you.
I miss nights with you.
I miss you.
I miss everything about you.
Every single thing.
Every single moment.
Every laugh, every cry, every single word you said.
I miss it all.
You could come in and out of my life as many times as you’d want, and I’d just let you even if it’s not fair to me, because I rather have you in my life even if it’s only when you need me for something or feel lonely, than not have you in my life at all and act as if we never met.
I don’t know why I can’t just let you go… I don’t think I’ll ever fully be able to.
They’re not green…
They are rare, so beautiful.
You would know if you had actually payed attention to her.
You left the breathtaking hazel eyed girl all alone, heartbroken.
You couldn’t handle her at her worst and slowly gave up because she was a dreamer and you only wanted things your way. You got lost and confused in her “green” eyes you thought she had, you let her go.
You didn’t know her as well as you thought you did. You should’ve known those little things about her that make her, her.
The girl with the hazel eyes is courageous and out-going. She’s selfless. She’s a risk taker. But has become scared of saying how she feels, because she doesn’t want to feel the way she felt months ago… she doesn’t want to feel the pain. You changed her view of love (from thinking it was something so beautiful that she didn’t have to worry about, to having trust issues, being afraid of someone tearing her apart like you did), the way you so easily thought her eyes were green.
They are hazel.
Her hazel eyes tell a story, her story.
A story of how when she loves someone, she is very trustworthy and cares so much. She is 100% there for you. But they also tell a story of how much it hurts her when people end up lying and leaving her. Looking into her eyes you can see right through her. You can tell whether she is sad when you see tears, and you can tell when she is happy when you see that spark in her eye.
Her eyes tell her story, tell the truth, tell her life. They hold tears of sadness and tears of joy for any given moment. They’ve been through a lot of heart breaks and painful experiences.
But no matter what has happened in her life, her hazel eyes still manage to shine so bright, like her wonderful personality that you chose to let go of.
You lost your chance and will never have it back.
Her hazel eyes won’t light up the way they used to when she see’s you.
Her hazel eyes don’t cry for help anymore.
She’s moved on, and doesn’t love you anymore.
The tragedy of living is when people that once were as soft as water become they coldest people because they have been shown coldness, anger, pain, betrayal, and heartbreak. They weren’t shown love or affection. Some grown up with no support and have to learn to grow up independently, not relying on anyone. Some people are scared they will get hurt over and over if they let someone in, so they simply stay as far away as possible and shut people out, to prevent themselves from breaking into even smaller pieces. They become the person that they hated for hurting them or never even being there in the first place, and they hate it… but that’s the tragedy of living.
Rupi Kapur once said, “neither of us is happy but neither of us wants to leave so we keep breaking one another and calling it love.”
Have you ever been with someone, but it hasn’t always been easy? Have you ever been with someone and gotten in little fights, and one of you said you’re done, even when you know you’re not done? You can’t live without the person because you’ve become so used to them being there all the time. You know every little thing about them, and they know every single thing about you. You don’t want to have to pretend like you don’t know each other, so you stay. You don’t want to let go of the company and the memories, but you’re not as happy as you used to be anymore. You hold on, but why? You are scared to let go and have to start all over, having to learn to love someone new. So what you do is, you call it love and stay with the one you are used to, because at least you know that at some point they did and might still love you, since they chose to stay and deal with everything together, instead of leaving you to be unhappy alone.
Don’t you worry. One day someone will look at you like you put all of the stars in the sky.
Don’t you worry. One day someone will love you and not leave you gasping for air, not leave you wondering why, why, why it didn’t work out… not leave you wondering why they didn’t love you anymore.
Don’t you worry. One day someone will grab your hand, hold it tight, and never let it go.
Don’t you worry. One day someone will be laying by your side holding you tight and whisper three special words, eight letters, into your ear, “I love you.”
Don’t you worry. One day someone will promise to love you forever and always and mean it.
Don’t you worry. One day someone will make you the happiest you’ve ever felt, which will make you feel great, but also nervous and maybe even scared but…
Don’t you worry. One day someone will promise to never hurt you like you have been in the past. They will promise to give you love and affection, and you’ll believe them because of their actions that back up their promises.
Don’t you worry. One day someone will text you good morning and good night every day, and tell you all of the reasons why you make them feel the happiest they’ve ever felt, why you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to them.
Don’t you worry. One day someone will come into your life and make everything fall into place.
It won’t all happen all at once, and things may take time, but one day someone real will walk into your life and change it completely.
Don’t worry, one day.