Growing up I used to hide my feelings. I used to be scared of what people would think of me if I told them how I felt, and if I told them all of the shit I’ve been through. I used to think they wouldn’t want to be my friend if they knew all of the shitty things about my life that had happened to me. But I guess I’ve opened up now because I was tired of holding on to so many things that made me feel miserable and I was tired of making myself pretend like certain things in my life didn’t happen when they actually affected me a lot. I had to face it, face the bad. I was tired of trying to forget about my saddest darkest nights, crying myself to sleep because I wanted the arguing and yelling to stop in the middle of the night. I was tired of trying to act happy all of the time. I was tired of seeing my friends happy with their “perfect” families, but I know everyone has been through something that’s affected them in certain ways and I know nothing is perfect. I couldn’t handle the pain. There was so much confusion going on in my head. So much change. Growing up wasn’t easy. Not knowing who and what to believe and having to lie to protect others. And it felt terrible because I felt like I couldn’t tell anyone that I wanted my life to go back to how it was 9 years ago, I didn’t want people to know every little thing about my life. I’ve acted like everything in my life has been easy, but being honest, it’s still not easy. I still wake up sometimes thinking how my life would’ve and could’ve been if my family hadn’t split and if my parents hadn’t met other people. I think about people in my life that have come and gone and the ones that have stuck around for years, and how it would’ve been if I hadn’t met certain people in my life, how different everything would be. Stuff happens and that’s just life. But I’ve come to accept what has happened in my past and be open to people close to me who care, even if I don’t want to talk about stuff at times because it’ll show me how much some things have changed, for worse or for the better. It shows me how far I’ve come from my past, from the many dark nights, that have made me realize that I am alive and I have overcome hard times.

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