I always care too much. I always care more. I always put more effort into a relationship than the other person. I always want to do anything and everything I can to make people happy. I don’t know why I do this, and sometimes I hate that I do. I hate it because it means I’m vulnerable. I’m not saying it’s not good to be vulnerable, but it’s a bit scary because I know if anything goes wrong, I’m the one who will feel more and hurt more.
I used to open up, let my walls down, and feelings out too soon. But I realized, I had to be careful who I was willing to care about, put effort into, and be vulnerable around. I’m scared to get hurt, I’ve been hurt before. Because of the pain I felt, I had told myself that I would stop trying to do “too much” for people, but I can’t, it’s not fair. It’s who I am. I always want things to be okay between myself and other people. But things aren’t always going to be okay, and that’s just how life is. It’s not what I want all the time, but it is what it is. People aren’t always going to be the kindest, not everyone is going to like me, and I may do everything for someone and they might not even notice. It’s what I have to accept. I’m just that person: the one who does too much for others, cares too much, thinks too much, and puts too much effort in. I do it all because I don’t want anyone to feel the way I feel at times… alone. And sometimes, “too much” is just what someone needs from another person.