img_3147Sometimes I hate that I still love you. I hate that I still care. I hate it because all I see is you with your friends having the time of your life, while I’m here simply and sadly, writing about you. I miss you. I miss every single little thing… even the littlest things that annoyed me at the time. I wish I could have it all back, I wish I could have you back. I regret ever letting you slip away. I should’ve tried harder, but I know I couldn’t force you to stay in my life. You had your reasons to go, and I had to accept that, even if it made me feel as if a bullet had shot me straight through my heart. I’m trying to fill the void that you left me with… I’m really trying. There are days where I am okay and I don’t look back, but there are more days where everything just hits me, and I’m right where I began… missing you. I know I don’t need you, but I want you. Even though things weren’t always good between us, you still made me so fucking happy. I know what we had was toxic but it made me feel alive and gave me a rush. I guess I never thought I would’ve actually lost you. I took us for granted, thinking we would always be okay and that nothing could tear us apart. Nothing tore us apart, only we tore ourselves apart. Now there is nothing I can do but wonder. I look back at the memories we made and think, “How could you just forget everything we went through? Do you still think about me?  Do you ever wish things could go back to the way they were? I guess these are questions that I’ll always wonder and you will never know, because I want you to be happy and don’t want to hold you back. I love you, I care, and I don’t know when I’ll be able to fully move on… but I’m trying.

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