Sometimes it’s hard for people to let out how they feel. They may not want to let their emotions hit them, so they keep them in very deep inside. They act like everything is okay, when in fact, nothing may be going right at all. They may not want to involve others or feel like a burden to anyone they may pour out their feelings to, so they shut everyone out when something is wrong. Sometimes people are too scared to write out how they feel because then it’s out in the open and they feel like anyone will know how they’re feeling, so they keep it to themselves in their head so only they know. But people shouldn’t be scared, because everyone has the right to feel what they feel.
You know… I once knew a girl who never liked saying how she felt. She didn’t like telling people her problems and showing people the real her. It was hard because I just wanted to be able to have deep conversations with her and knowing that she just didn’t want to talk about anything real, was frustrating. It’s like she had no feelings; but I knew her well enough to see right through the mask she put on. I always wondered what she was scared of. Like, why did she not want to let her feelings out? Was she scared of how people would react if people knew what she was really thinking? She always said it was hard for her to put her feelings into words because everything would get all jumbled up. I guess I had to accept that’s how she was and no one, not even myself could force her to let me or anyone else in all the way.
There was this guy I met and got to know very well. I could tell right away that he had gone through a lot in his life. I always told him he could talk to me, because I cared about him. Thing is, he was a sensitive guy… so he would always talk about his feelings, but he’d get upset when people would try to help him and tell him what he needed to hear. I felt like I had to be careful on what I’d say to him, because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. He always gave himself a hard time, and had a hard time of letting go of things that have happened in the past, that made him feel things he didn’t want to feel. I always told him, “it’s okay to feel what you’re feeling, even if you’re sad. It’s okay to show your emotions and let it all out, but you can’t hold yourself back just because of bad experiences that happened in the past; you have to move on. It won’t be easy and it’ll take time, but just try to let things go.” I knew I couldn’t change him, and I couldn’t make him forget things he wanted to forget. I guess I just wanted him to be happy… I wanted him to feel something, anything, other than sadness.
I feel like it’s easy for me to say how I feel and be open, even if me saying how I feel isn’t me saying that I’m happy. I have so much going on in my head sometimes and I hate holding it in. I admit, I used to be scared to let people in because I was scared of them knowing everything about me, then hurting me and leaving. But I guess I’ve told myself to open up and let people know how I feel so they know what has hurt me in the past; and then I’ll know who really cares to not do what people have done in the past. It’s not easy to let people in and feelings out, but once you slowly start doing so, you’ll feel better.